Art as therapy
This painting is what got me through my first breakup from a toxic relationship dynamic. Towards the end of the relationship, I had a dream that I was in this painting. Kicking and fighting for air, unsustainably keeping both of us afloat but running out of fuel.
I was getting thinner and thinner, paddling away doing all the work to keep both of us afloat. While she was getting bigger and bigger, while she made half-assed attempts at swimming while her feet were being held so that she didn't have to. If we let go we could both stay afloat on our own. If we stayed, we'd both drown.
Art capturing the feeling of heartbreak
This painting perfectly captures the feeling of the oppressive water pressing down and having no footing to push yourself off of, but the full responsibility of both of our wellbeing weighing you down. And the beauty of this painting captures my intense feeling of hysteria, and rose coloured glasses I wore to keep this relationship in tact like some sort of twisted honourable martyr.
Symbolism in the painting & in life's hidden signs
The sun bow around the sun appeared while I was driving her to the airport to fly back home (all the way to New Zealand where we met) after the breakup. It appeared right at the crucial moment, at the only stretch of the road that had a spot for pulling over. It turns out that in Native American folklore it basically means, "right choice, good riddance".
Art healing the community
This was my first relationship ever, and it happened to be with a woman. After posting this painting on instagram and receiving an astonishing amount of understanding and support, it turns out this is sadly a very common first experience in the queer community.
It's been really healing to paint this. To sit with that feeling and observe it from a place of calm. And to receive so much recognition from a larger community, knowing that you're not isolated in the deep blue sea after all. It's been really healing for others to see this feeling represented outside of themselves as well. Making it more tangible makes it easier to carry.
Size:
140cm x 100cm x 2cm
Materials:
Acrylic on canvas
Year painted:
2025
Price
€27,000. I spent nearly the entire 27th year of my life in this relationship. It seems such a price is only fair. I also aim to add this painting to a larger collection of therapeutic art, so part of me doesn't want to let it go yet so quickly. This amount would make a huge difference to my art career, and so this price feels right.
