What inspired me to go big

I'm finally learning to take up space with my first 100x150cm artwork, inspired by my first breakup at 28. 

I woke up with a vision of our dynamic one morning

We were both drowning. But I was beneath her, holding her up from her feet, kicking relentlessly trying to keep her afloat. I was becoming thinner and thinner, and she was growing larger and larger. This actually happened to us physically, but also spiritually. I learned to shrink as she took up more of my life. I lost myself in that relationship. 

She was always just half grasping at the surface, the potential future we could have had, while I did all the work. 

I woke up one morning after I had found the strength to choose me again, with this image in my mind. Still groggy and half asleep. I realised that if I just let go, we could both just float on the surface and hold hands like otters do. Like equals in a balanced relationship. 

But the trust was already too far gone. On the day that we parted ways, driving her to the airport, we saw this:

 

This is an actual photo I took of the sundog and what it means:

It's a good omen. It means you have the strength to face the hardships ahead and come out a better person. A rare natural phenomenon cause by the way light refracts off of ice particles in the sky. 

This painting is currently helping me heal my own heartbreak

The process is very intimidating at first, and then it slowly becomes a welcome companion. Painting has allowed me to sit with my feelings of grief, anger, and betrayal from a meditative safe place. In the disciplined act of showing up each day to paint and to make space to feel everything, I am slowly rebuilding my confidence. I am showing myself that I show up, and can be trusted.

The daunting process of making large art

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time. I did the same thing when starting this painting. 

I first outlined my rule of thirds layout combined 5 vanishing point perspective. Sorry, I'm still speaking English. Basically, I outlined the grids that would give this painting a fish bowl effect, and make it easy and appealing for the eye to glide over.

I made this outline with tea. Yes, tea, the kind you drink. Because I hate it when pencil outlines shine through the painting.

The next step was to add the underpainting in the complementary colour to what the final painting colour would be, to help the colours pop. 

Once the underpainting was made, it was much easier to add each layer of blue.

 

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